HRH Ben Duncan

With his Princess Di’ hair and perma-sneer, Ben Duncan is a total toff. What is more unbelievable than his hair is that he claims to be 27. That’s right….Twenty Seven. The only way I could believe he is 27 is if I also found out he had spent his life thus far protecting the polar ice caps from the suns rays, using only his face as a shield.

Posted June 15, 2010 Big Brother, Celebrities, Men, Portrait, TV

“thank God for abortions!”

Heidi Fleiss

Posted January 16, 2010 Big Brother, Celebrities, Portrait, TV, Women

Dermot Dumface and the mimers

Dermot Oleary xfactor claire murray

Oh Dermot. I really enjoyed your presenting work for T4 and BB, you were funny, cheeky and a bit cute. But now you grumph and splutter your way through any contestant interaction, roughly pull and push them onto their marks and generally act like a horrid little man. I know that Stacey isn’t the most eloquent of communicators, but that does not give you the excuse to make fun of, or dismiss her so quickly.

What is up with the all-contestant sing song at the start of the show, pre-recorded much? I want to hear them all off key and failing to harmonise where is the fun in miming?

More annoying than Dermot Dumbface and the mimers, is that the results show is an hour long – an hour – but because most of the hour is taken up with already famous artists that have singles out that week, then the obligatory interview which is basically Dermot shouting ‘we don’t have much time, when’s your album out?’ , there isn’t any time for the actual results.

When it is finally time to get the results, after 55 minutes of padding, they are in a mad rush to get opinions and votes from the judges where Dermot demands ‘I need an answer, I’m sorry I’ll have to hurry you’. Then in quick succession the result is announced, then the best bits, then it’s over. We barely have time to see the tears from the losing contestant. I want tears, I’ve invested 2 hours of my life to this telly show and, damn it, I want to see the grief and sadness in all it’s ugly detail.

And Dermot, please stop saying ‘God Bless’ at the end of the show, I do not care for your wacko religious views.

Posted October 26, 2009 Big Brother, Celebrities, Men, Portrait, TV, X Factor